* * * (Subtitle) The Nick Kravitz Page of Close-Up Magic, Tasteless Jokes, Chess Problems, and General Obscenities Thrown Toward bclinton@whitehouse.gov * * *

Warning - This site contains perverse material which may be offensive to young viewers, persons with homicidal tendencies, or otherwise insane individuals like myself.

You are visitor number: since January 11, 1996.

Also, This month's chess problem...

Katonah, New York. Lots of Republicans live there. Once in a while, some dissenter does something for a admirable cause. Click here to order excerpts from such an event. (Produced by a Republican.)

Montreal, Quebec, Canada. You may click here for one of the few Montreal pages not revolving around sex, more sex, a sexmall, or some dumb separatist movement revolving around infringement of cultural identity and other half-witted antiquated crap.(2)

Four surgeon's were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.

The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.

The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass's are interchangeable."

is interesting because of unity, identity, and just being first.

is interesting because of duality, complementarity, and reflective reciprocality.

is interesting because of its applications toward government, dimension, and the Stooges.

.^.. E_x : { Interesting(x) }
(Translation - Interesting numbers are out there.)

Assume there exists at least one non-interesting number. Let A be that set; thus A = {a₁, a₂, ...} where a₁, a₂, ... are the non-interesting numbers. It must have a least element; let that be a_k for some k > 3. So, a_k is the very first non-interesting number.

A strange paradox, for this is undoubtedly an interesting property. Hence all numbers are interesting. QED ⁽³⁾

For those of you who might still be stumped -

An actuary is a person who passes as an expert on the basis of his or her prolific ability to produce an infinite variety of incomprehensible figures calculated with micrometric precision from the vaguest of assumptions based on debatable evidence from inconclusive data derived by persons of doubtful reliability for the sole purpose of confusing an already hopelessly befuddled group of persons who never read the statistics anyway.

Click here for a more fascinating in-depth discussion of actuarial science.

Pool, bridge, poker, & various other games which I have spent countless hours procrastinating at.

MBTI & related psychology. I may be as stubborn as Data but there are other INTP's out there, including Einstein, Socrates, and Bob Newhart. Click here for a list of others.

Programming and Web authoring. Well, who doesn't have this on their list these days? I am especially proficient in manufacturing quality bugs. Microsoft makes some pretty slick high-level development interfaces. You can click here for their only competitor in this field. If you like wasting time, you can click here to download an othello game I programmed about 7 years ago. If features animated pieces and more than its share of bugs! It was also done at a time when if you had VGA, you either worked for IBM or the government. (Both had lots of money at that point). In other words, don't expect DOOM level graphics. One more point; there are no beg screens, full-color ads, or other annoyances basically asking for consumer money. However, if you really want to send me money... well I'm not one to argue with integrity. Have fun.

Basketball, soccer, skiing, and other sports which I should really do more frequently but usually would rather watch some other poor sod do.

W a t c h i n g

Card magic. I do a pretty good CARDTOON and TWISTED SISTERS. A great place to go in the DC metro area is Barry's at the intersection of Georgia Avenue and Viers Mills Road in Wheaton. For New York, try Tannen's on 4 West 34th Street. You may click here for a card trick on the Web.

Guitar. Originals mostly because I usually can't figure out how to play other peoples music. Sometimes I like to turn out all the lights and put the bass up all the way, and feel the floor shake. The lady next door once told me she hadn't been so revitalized in years. Needless to say, she is eighty-two and has more shrinks than false teeth. Click here for a short lick I recorded.

Ô Ô * * *
« _ »

As a sidenote, you can visit other sniper links by clicking here or here. Apparently, their nomenclature background seems to have been formed on entirely a different foundation. A scene from the latter:

And on with our story... What was unique about it was that you could shoot and move in different directions. This proved to be extremely complicated at first; eighteen keys was a far reach from my usual quota; Donkey Kong used 5, PacMan 4, and Breakout a paltry 2. Which reminds me of a familiar scene from the early eighties...

However, the thrill of challenge got the better of me and soon I was an expert at all levels. I forgot about Snipes for a few years until I ran across the Novell Netware Network OS, where I found a rebirth of Snipes, as their token "network app", which purpose was to demonstrate their LAN software could perform superior analytical tasks much more advanced than sending system crash alert messages to and from workstations.

Another sidebar... Microsoft, in its endless endeavors to outdo everyone, has its own LAN game, MSHearts. Of course, it goes without saying that clunking the

down on an unsuspecting clod doesn't quite bring about the same adrenaline rush.

Snipes is still included in some older systems in the directory \public as nsnipes.exe or ncsnipes.exe. Of course, when I played it years later against human opponents, my voluminous practice made me invincible, earning me the nickname "The Sniper". It fits. So be it. If there are any other sniper fiends out there who want to challenge me, let me know.

You can click here to go to Eric M. Fensterstock's page. He is a graduate specializing in obsolete languages, mythological sea serpents, and various other arcane bits of trivia somehow connected somewhere along the line to something useless.

You can click here to go to Jeffrey Jacobs page. He is a former classmate who owns a sonic screwdriver and spends his leisure time building juice can towers and collecting all sorts of adapters. Also my HTML mentor.

You can click here to go to another piece of Kravitz. No, I have not had the pleasure to meet him as of yet, but after reading his poem about a margarine munching pyromaniac monkey riding around on a giant metal eating parrot, I came to the unmistakable conclusion we are in fact close relatives. If there are other InSanE Kravitz relatives out there, I'd love to hear from you.

Click here if you're hungry. I recommend pepperoni and anchovies. By the way, I am working on software to open up the same service to smaller quick delivery services by transmitting Web orders directly and instantaneously to your fax or voice mail, so you don't have to be adrift in cyberspace all day. If this interests you or you know of an interested party, as always, you know where to find me.

Click here if you are cheap like me and like unregistered "freebie" software. Don't be surprised if the software you download causes irreparable damage to your computer if used after the so-called * trial period *. Also, if you plan on using Microsoft trial software past the trial period, don't be surprised if your first-born is missing the next morning as well. What do you think they use building 23 for anyway?

Click here if you want to see a really cool * CGI * trick. I really DO plan on learning CGI and Java in greater depth right after I clean out my attic, reorganize my CD collection, and dare I say, just procrastinate a wee bit more.

You can click here to order a Clinton 3-dollar bill. Amazing artwork, eh?

You can click here to enter Christopher's Den of Iniquity. An absurd collection of original poetry, cool links, and risqué photographs of the man himself!!! Check this out!!! Also a bonified member of the exclusive Colony (Shhhhh!!!!)

You can click here to visit Kimberly's palace. She's a fellow INTP who has a pierced tongue, purple hair, and is a pedagogue of both psychological exploration and valentines. Unfortunately, no obscenities nor insane thoughts.

You can click here to go to YOUR page. Yes, that's right, if you want a link, you've got it. Just send mail. Recently I have been getting lots of requests for links. Just sit tight, your page will be added right after I...yeah, well, see above. Actually I soon plan to make this automatic and have people add links to their page on my page without my help, right after I, yeah, etc., etc.

You can click here if you are sick of hearing about my stupid life and want to go visit some

pussy / nude / sex / pictures / clit / cunt / porn / oral / jpeg / tits / naked / xxx / milano / alyssa / blowjob / and / gif / mpeg / adult / ass / photos / girls / nudity / fuck / clitoris / vagina / cum / jpg / lick / picture / teen / x-rated / gifs / spanking / pornography / panties / nudes / women / sirtis / cock / photo / pedophilia / avi / jpegs / asian / lords / of / traci / wet / marina / fucking / sluts / clits / shaved / cunts / blowjobs / amateur / kinky / bestiality / oriental / beppin / masterbate / horny / anal / hot / mpg / suck / lesbian / dick / penis / girl / slut / doherty / images / nudism / licking / james / breasts / babes / fistfucking / ejaculation / woman / penetration / young / japanese / teens / intercourse / pussies / sex.pictures / vulva / spank / fistfuck / tit / dildo / big / pics / japan / photographs / shemale / quicktime / porno / breast / mpegs / sucking / photography / applegate / & / shannon / pornographic / kascha / pedophile / chicks / swingers / christina / shannen / anime / anderson / schoolgirl / pamela / coed / children / orgy / sex-pictures / sadism / kiddy / incest / boobs / masterbating / nudist / sado / rated / erotic / black / whore / chinese / hard / female / playboy / or / lesbians / masturbation / campus / whores / shemales / sex.gif / schoolgirls / files / hardcore / exhibitionist / barrymore / movies / panty / cindy / enema / huge / lolita / page / masochism / drew / crawford / vaginas / image / the / men / dicks / penthouse / nud / kidman / jmis / butt / bare / in / hooters / free / facial / cocks / a / foreskin / watersports / nicole / with / lick's / lickers / home / .jpg / transvestite / fat / menage / movie / korean / lingerie / sexy / fox / fist / coeds / threesome / samantha / pregnant / photograph / hustler / pussys / graphics / ejaculate / eating / tracy / thai / series / trois / pic / video / my / erotica / eat / babe / .avi / oral-sex / month / links / couples / to / teenage / snatch / face / bundy / wank / twat / threesomes / highschool / gay / x / swinger / orientals / orgies / masturbate / kelly / doom / willow / schiffer / milk / jpgs / dutch / troi / shots / models / how / ebony / smut / size / sex.picture / seventeen / elle / stories / licks / jenny / homepage / chics / uma / sex.jpeg / seka / red / candid / asses / taiwan / swimsuit / piss / monroe / marilyn / dildos / claudia / backdoor / squirt / pink / on / male / lactating / kong / hong / asia / .gif / warning / videos / thailand / korea / ftp / fisting / .mpg / slave / skirt / mov / jeff's / jailbait / fingerfuck / core / cherry / thurman / shave / oral-sex-pictures / nudists / explicit / sites / shit / poptart / paulina / jim / gif's / gagged / dog / adults / who / sperm / sex/pictures / roommates / mihoshi / love / guys / college / wanking / virgin / transsexual / qt / pedophiles / fantasy / facials / bound / bottom / amateurs / vomit / spread / school / ryder / me / horse / hispanic / golden / gagged-girl / bitch / animation / winona / twins / sister / orgasm / online / loli / latin / lactation / enemas / dirty / up / testicle / squirting / masterbation / jpeg's / jeff / high / having / hair / download / celebrities / butts / 21 / wild / sleazy / pleasures / pervert / lord / licker / jugs / jlick / graphic / finger / content / bondage / amatuer / x-rate / virgins / titties / text / swollen / supermodels / suckers / sex-jpeg / ram / pleasure / pages / new / moov / mistress / miss / mccarthy / masturbating / lactate / index / exhibitionists / doggystyle / deanna / come / china / cat / blow / bitches / bangkok / asians / art / .jpeg / *.avi / 24bit / 69 / arch / arched / areola / aroma / arousal / aroused / ate / aunt / b&d / banana / beat / bed / bedroom / beef / belly / biguns / bone / boner / bouncy / brassiere / breed / bridge / button / cane / cheek / cheeks / chlamydia / church / climax / cow / crack / creamy / cucumber / cyberporn / daddy / dane / deeper / derobe / desirable / desire / diaphragm / doctor / doggy / double-ended / dungeon / echi / eggplant / eichi / erect / etchi / fart / father / fifteen / flasher / flesh / fli / freshman / friction / friend / geisha / girlfriend / gobs / grab / grandfather / grandmother / grease / greased / greyhound / hairy / hamburger / hard-on / hardon / herpes / hicolor / homo / housewife / humiliate / humiliation / humped / jacking / janelle / jiz / kiki / kitten / ky / lapping / latex / leash / leather / legal / lesbo / lil / linda / livestock / load / lover / lube / lubricant / lubricate / luscious / lush / make / mama / master / meat / ming / moan / moaning / moist / mommy / moon / mound / musk / musky / naoko / nibbled / nine / nookie / nooky / nurse / nymph / nymphomaniac / obabe / obedient / oedipal / oil / orientails / orifice / parted / passion / passionate / pelvis / pert / peter / petite / pierce / pillows / poke / poontang / pop / pork / prisoner / protein / pube / punish / queef / quim / quivering / rage / rectal / rectum / relative / revealing / rip / ripe / round / rub / rubbed / rump / satin / sauce / sensation / sensual / sensuous / sheen / sheep / silk / sis / sixty / sixty-nine / slick / smegma / smell / smile / soak / soaking / softcore / spurt / steam / straddle / strap / strawberry / stroke / submit / sugar / swap / swappers / sweat / taboo / tape / targa / tasty / teat / teats / teddy / testes / thick / thigh / thighs / throb / toilet / tool / toss / tossing / tremble / truecolor / tush / tweak / tweaking / twist / twisting / unbuckle / uncle / undressed / unload / unzip / unzipped / vaseline / vegetable / verticle / vibrate / vinyl / vulgar / water / whip / whoopie / whoopy / wifeswap / wiggle / wiggling / womb / wood / woody / worship / wrapped / zucchini

This is the abridged version. Full credits go to Jeff Lick, who maintains the original list. You can click here to see for yourself. He's an accredited geek (and coded as such) and probably won't mind my theft anyway. For links to other unscrupulous bums like me using the same con, try clicking here or here. Send us all hate mail if you like.

By the way, did you find the other con on this page? What did you expect the button to do anyway?

Sailor Moon Insanity Point Rules Specifically, you get 1 insanity point for every hour of watching Sailor Moon, or for every fraction of an hour if it is not a full hours dosage. For example, it takes one point to get a level one insanity, two ADDITIONAL points (for a total of three) to get to level two, three additional points (for a total of six) to get to level three, and so on.

The Asylum Insanity exists only in your mind.. What is inSaNItY ?. If you wish to comment you must first realize the way to reach InsANitY is to look within yourself.

The House Of Insanity If you should happen to run across one, smile, turn calmly, and then run for the hills as fast as you can. You computer might suddenly explode (or even worse turn into a Mac) at anytime and for no apparent reason.

Kerrie DeGood's Insanity Quotations -Nora Ephron Neurotics build castles in the sky, and psychotics live in them, and people like me just pretend to live in them. -Susan Sontag The idea that all the people locked up in mental hospitals are sane while all the people walking about are mad is merely a literary cliché, put about by people who should be locked up.

aGe oF iNsaNitY (?)

Insanity, Inc. A story about abuse of power!

Inside Insanity on the Internet! Welcome to the Inside Insanity Home Page! We're the official RHPS cast of Cinema East, in Nyack, New York. We perform there Saturdays at Midnight. . This week's Insanity Insider . A Virgin's Guide to The Rocky Horror Picture Show . The Inside ...

Legal Insanity Home Page Legal Insanity . by Judge Steve Rushing . If you have ever laughed at a lawyer joke, you will love Legal Insanity! Drawn and created by Pinellas County Judge Steve Rushing, a former prosecutor and defense attorney, the cartoon ...

The inSanity Home Page inSanity - . an Algorithmic Composition Library in C++ . by garth zenie . Messages of the Day.... . i am no longer supporting this package as i don't have time to update it to the point where i think it is acceptable. whatever ...

iNSANE JUSTiCE is under HEAVY CONSTRUCTION! If a link does not work we already know about it so don't send mail complaining! . Welcome to iNSANE JUSTiCE! Here at iNSANE JUSTiCE anything is possible. We are supplying you with the latest in SHAREWARE games and ...

The George Harrison and Tomorrow People Home Page An artificial entry. No, George Harrison is not insane. The Tomorrow People may be a bit eccentric. Actually, this page has nothing to do with acts of insanity, being insane or even insane relations such as madness, aberration, or psychotic lunacy... However, the author is pretty insane (Trust me)

As always, if you find another deserving Insane Place, click here, and it will be eventually added.

1. About an hour a day, more on weekends.

2. Midway between college age and adulthood. However, I have been using this excuse for almost two years now and it is wearing thin.

3. The Sting.

4. e4. If I'm feeling either adventurous or suicidal, g4.

5. Sure I touched it up. Cool, huh?

6. Ross Perot (and I would again).

7. Yes, I did, I admit it. I am never going to run for public office, anyway. Peer pressure made me do it, and, just for the record, I never did exhale.

8. 12 years old.

9. 5 or 6, not counting the trip to Mexico.

10. NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! NEVER! Geez are you sick or what!

12. Oh that? Way back then? Yeah it was me, but they'll never prove it. Magnesium sulfate does wonders for industrial plumbing.

⁽²⁾ Recently I received some feedback on this from jaded Montrealers. The first was aghast I didn't mention a prime Montreal product, beer. A second was upset I didn't mention the most active Montreal sport, hockey. Still a third was disconcerted that I didn't name the primary city pastime, playing hockey while drinking beer. For those of you who have not yet been to Canada, now you know what the fuss is all about.

⁽³⁾ Interesting corollaries, such as all numbers are useful, and my favorite, all numbers are civilized, will be presented in future editions.

⁽⁴⁾ Looking for Eeeeeexcellent (Burns) and [Sqeak,Squeak] (Maggie). Anyone got them? (Will be credited)

A final word... You will notice this page is quite lengthy. Others who have so much useless stuff usually don't try to cram it all down your throat in one fell swoop, but rather, break it up into more pages. Mine is not set up that way intentionally. Through much research, I have found people really aren't going to click on to a new page just to see a map of my neighborhood or some esoteric proof. You can click here if you don't believe me.